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恋爱思考?

  • 2026-04-01 15:20:16
恋爱思考?

当你觉得自己或者对方是一个麻烦的时候这段关系是否还要继续？

前段时间我谈了恋爱，很爱但是很快就结束了。虽然是我提的分手但是我后面仔细思考了当时分手的原因，除了直接原因情人节爽约说要陪家人，我还思考了一下深层原因我发现对方在逃避我，好像在费心思找理由来逃避我。
      我很喜欢他，所以我当下感受到他的逃避之后我无法说服我直接理智和平静接受所以我提出了分手，对方也顺势而为了，这件点让我想“感受到逃避而分手”这个事情到底归因于他还是我？是我因为他的逃避而破防所以分手，还是因为他的逃避我感受到了他的情绪我心疼所以放手，我觉得这是一个值得思考的问题
      从这段不长的恋爱中一定程度上看清了自己爱情的边界，对于爱的看法。作为一个在21世纪普通中国家庭长大的人，我可以直白的说我缺爱，我并不是在一个非常有爱的环境中长大，早早的住校生活也让我成为了一个非常独立害怕给别人添麻烦的人，所以我对于爱的看法就是在我爱对方或者相爱的情况下，尽力的表达爱然后不给对方添麻烦。我感受到我对对方来说是一个麻烦的时候我就会应激抵达边界，开始放弃开始否认自己在这段关系中的行为和付出。
在互联网上有一个观点是“谈恋爱或者是一段关系，本质就是你麻烦我我麻烦你”，我对这个观点持有保留意见。现在人和人之间非常有距离感，加一加一的麻烦只会让彼此的关系 此消彼也消 我认为并没有起到巩固关系的作用，在这个独立个体占多数和非爱情的亲密关系可以代偿的时代，放弃一段关系的成本很低，我觉得对待关系更应该是尽量积攒减少不必要消耗，因为每个人都很累。
所以我很爱他但是我感受到他在这段关系里面很痛苦，所以我放手了。
*不过后来我发现了他骗我，不知道算大事还是小事，当时对我说和朋友出去玩拍了个男生的照片给我看，后面分手后翻他朋友圈发现有一张实况照片里有一位女生的声音和他对话，原来有第3个人。我其实想过去问个答案，但是没什么意义，毕竟什么也不会改变。
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  1. CONNECT:[ UseTime:0.000517s ] mysql:host=127.0.0.1;port=3306;dbname=d_mffb;charset=utf8mb4
  2. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `fenlei` [ RunTime:0.000537s ]
  3. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 0 [ RunTime:0.000772s ]
  4. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 63 [ RunTime:0.000287s ]
  5. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `set` [ RunTime:0.000508s ]
  6. SELECT * FROM `set` [ RunTime:0.000254s ]
  7. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `article` [ RunTime:0.000534s ]
  8. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` = 491757 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.017357s ]
  9. UPDATE `article` SET `lasttime` = 1775085451 WHERE `id` = 491757 [ RunTime:0.022783s ]
  10. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `id` = 65 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000356s ]
  11. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 491757 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.016861s ]
  12. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` > 491757 ORDER BY `id` ASC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.003170s ]
  13. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 491757 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10 [ RunTime:0.001179s ]
  14. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 491757 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10,10 [ RunTime:0.028052s ]
  15. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 491757 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 20,10 [ RunTime:0.019240s ]
0.204143s