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我为什么不恋爱

  • 2026-02-17 06:01:36
我为什么不恋爱
现在这个时代，谈个恋爱是很容易的，各种意义上的容易，我觉得比攒局吃顿饭还容易，在社交平台、校园墙、交友平台等各种渠道发个帖子的事儿——“cpdd”“找对象”“处的来”“帮朋友找对象”诸如此类。在有些时候，甚至脸都不用露。既然如此简单，我为什么不谈，不仅是不谈，我甚至没有过“好想谈恋爱”“要是有个男朋友就好了”的想法。我之前也思考过这个问题，现在来整理归纳一下。
首先，“如果感到被爱了，一定是忘记聊女权了”——这个地狱笑话能作为代表原因，我是个女权主义者，当然，女权≠厌男，但我没法忽视站在我对面的男的从小到大所享受的一切特权（是的，我大概是个绝望的异性恋），这让我感觉极度不平衡，我肯定会抓住一切时机呛对方以缓解我的忮忌，恋爱不是战斗，我深知这一点，所以我选择远离战场。
第二，我不知道谈恋爱在谈什么。我不是想借机讽刺挖苦谈恋爱的人以彰显我多独立多清醒，我是真的不知道并且困惑，情侣的相处模式相对朋友到底特别在哪里？我真的不知道答案，而且我觉得抛开那层性缘关系，和伴侣一起做的事情自己一个人或者和朋友都能做，所以我觉得真的没必要找一个对象。在这里给同样困惑的朋友推荐一期播客。
第三，我没有爱别人的能力。我有时候甚至会疏忽我自己的感受，我当然没法好好爱别人，而且我比较以自我为中心，懒得去平付出与回报的账。我一直坚持的事情就是三分钟热度、腻了就换新，我没法想象要一直和一个人保持稳定的亲密关系，除了和我自己。
最后，我怕麻烦且有轻微洁癖。先说怕麻烦，选择伴侣走入亲密关系对我来说很麻烦，要从头开始和一个陌生人建立联系、慢慢熟悉，还要接住TA的喜怒哀乐，矛盾出现还要解决矛盾，我更偏向于解决这个人。再说洁癖，精神和物质上都有，精神上我对关系的纯净度要求较高，别说精神出轨了，感情中的走神我都不接受。（关于“感情中的走神”请听下面这一期播客）物质上，我比较抵触亲密行为，像朋友间的牵手、拥抱、贴贴我都不太能接受，更不要说和伴侣要交换口水了，我都不能接受和朋友交换吸管尝尝对方的饮料。
当然了，也许“不恋爱”这个flag有一天会倒，但此时此刻我就是这样想的。爱你老己天天见。
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  1. CONNECT:[ UseTime:0.000441s ] mysql:host=127.0.0.1;port=3306;dbname=d_mffb;charset=utf8mb4
  2. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `fenlei` [ RunTime:0.000632s ]
  3. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 0 [ RunTime:0.002425s ]
  4. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 63 [ RunTime:0.001489s ]
  5. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `set` [ RunTime:0.000486s ]
  6. SELECT * FROM `set` [ RunTime:0.003612s ]
  7. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `article` [ RunTime:0.000587s ]
  8. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` = 464693 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.003092s ]
  9. UPDATE `article` SET `lasttime` = 1771298118 WHERE `id` = 464693 [ RunTime:0.003518s ]
  10. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `id` = 65 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.005802s ]
  11. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 464693 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000443s ]
  12. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` > 464693 ORDER BY `id` ASC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.005617s ]
  13. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 464693 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10 [ RunTime:0.014803s ]
  14. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 464693 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10,10 [ RunTime:0.001640s ]
  15. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 464693 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 20,10 [ RunTime:0.006044s ]
0.154131s