需要明白:你得到的女朋友或男朋友,都是你应得的.你不会得到任何你不应得的或女朋友EN

钟爱的师父，请帮帮我！我男朋友去果阿（印度一海边城市）已经5星期了，这段时间我非常享受自由和独立，不需要面对我的嫉妒心和占有欲，每天可以随心所欲。

他好像快要回来了，我也已经紧张起来了，在想他在做什么，我们会怎么样，他是否有了别人，等等。

这种对某人的执着是什么？它带来了各种舒服和不舒服的感觉。

我真的不是静心的类型，但我有没有可能超越这种心的执着，获得自由？还是，唯一的方式是活出它，经历它，受苦并享受这整件事？

OSHBuddha：

Latifa（提问者），我认识你男友。如果他去果阿，一去不回，他会让每个人都开心。

但你是个德国人，不难的事情满足不了你。他是一个挑战。所以如果你变的紧张，这很自然。别担心他会跟别的女孩交往，因为没有人会跟他交往。

我想过他，我想只有latifa受得了他。他是个疯子，但你爱他。你不会爱上一个简单的人。你们天生一对儿。不光你找不到别的男朋友，他也找不到别的女朋友。

所以别担心占有欲，什么也别担心。你可以完全不占有——他仍然会是你男朋友。他能去哪里？你的处境是好的，是安全、有保障的。

首先，你能找到他是一个奇迹。当我头一次听说这件事时，我说，“天啊，现在某些神秘之事要发生了。那两个人在一起会制造很多很多麻烦。”但仍然，他执着于你，你执着于他。

你的爱绝大多数时候是吵架，吵够了，你也会爱——但那只在你们都吵够了的时候。他也会感到紧张，因为他必须回来。

我只把他送出去六周。一收到我的消息“去果阿”，他就离开了。他一天也没等。跟你一样，他也一定很享受那五周。现在你感到紧张，他也会感到紧张，因为六周快到头了。

但你内心深处也开心他要回来了，他的情况也一样。让他回来。他只是你的老男朋友：你对他一清二楚，他对你也一清二楚。所有的吵架你们都清楚，所有的问题也都清楚。

没必要紧张，因为没有任何新东西。还是老一套，所以让他回来，继续跟以往一样生活。

有些事需要明白：你得到的女朋友，或你的得到的男朋友，都是你应得的。你不会得到任何你不应得的男朋友，你不会得到任何你不应得的女朋友——那类关系仅维持一两天。但你的关系有历史，它会一直持续直到结束，所以放松，别担心！

他是你应得的，你是他应得的。一旦你看到这一点——你们都是彼此应得的，就没有怨恨、嫉妒、抱怨的问题。

你足够坚强，因为那个疯子一直都没办法削弱你。他一直在做各种神经兮兮的事。

但他不知道latifa是个精神病，神经病和精神病（之人）会有好婚姻。他们是完美搭配。

有人问一个精神分析师——因为那两个单词非常相似，只有专家知道其中的区别——有人问一个精神分析师，“神经病和精神病之间有什么区别？”

他说，“神经病认为2+2=5，不管你做什么，他都不会改主意。他坚信自己的观点。精神病知道2+2=4，但他很紧张，为什么是4？”

完美的婚姻只发生在天堂，但偶尔也会发生在地球上。latifa跟她男朋友是完美组合。所以让这个可怜鬼回来，继续用老方法折磨他……你很熟悉，受过很好的训练，他也熟悉，他也受过很好的训练。

人有了新女朋友就会担心，他永远也不知道她会做什么——半夜崩溃？人对新男朋友会紧张，因为她猜不出对方到底是什么样的男人。

你确定。在这份确定里，你应该放松，让他回来。他会带来他自己的问题。我一直在扔掉他的问题，但因为我回答了你的问题，现在我必须回答他关于你的问题。

但我看不出有什么问题。你在你的痛苦里开心极了，所有人在自己痛苦的关系里都极为开心！这就是为什么5周的分开，你会感觉很不错。但分久了，你会开始想他。

我给了他一个非常准确的时间，这样你能享受自由，他也能享受自由。在正确的时候，当你们开始想念彼此，他就回来了。

等等就好！他不是一个危险人物，他伤害不了你。他心很好——只是脑子有点松。但有一个脑子有点松的男朋友，比有一个脑子有点紧的男朋友要好。我知道这不是一段普通关系：你们都很非凡。

Beloved OSHBuddha ,Please help me! Now my boyfriend has been in Goa for five weeks and I've had such a good time enjoying the freedom and independence, no need to face my jealousy and possessiveness, just floating through the day.

Now it looks as if he is coming back soon and I'm getting nervous already, wondering what he is doing, how it is going to be, if he found somebody else etcetera.

What is this attachment to a particular person which creates all these comfortable and very uncomfortable feelings?

I'm not really a meditative type, but is there any possibility to go beyond this attachment of the heart and feel free, or is the only way to live it, go through it, and suffer and enjoy the whole thing?

OSHBuddha：

Latifa, I know your boyfriend. He will make anybody happy if he goes to Goa and remains there for ever.

But again, you are a German; you cannot be satisfied with anything less difficult. He is a challenge. So if you are becoming nervous, it is natural. And don't be worried about his getting involved with any girl, because no girl will get involved with him.

I have thought about him and I think that only Latifa can manage him. He's a crackpot -- but you love him. You cannot love a simple human being. You are born for each other: neither can you find another boyfriend nor can he find another girlfriend.

So don't be worried about possessiveness or anything. You can be absolutely non-possessive -- still he will be your boyfriend. Where else can he go? You are in a good, secured, guaranteed, insured condition.

In the first place, it is a miracle that you have found him. When I heard about it for the first time I said, "My God! Now something mysterious is going to happen. These two people together are going to create so much trouble." But still, he's attached to you, you are attached to him.

Mostly your love is fighting, and when you are tired of fighting you love also -- but that is only when you are both tired. He will also be feeling nervous, because he has to come back.

I have sent him only for six weeks. He left immediately the very moment he received my message: "Go to Goa." He did not wait even a single day. He must have enjoyed those five weeks the way you have enjoyed them. Now you are feeling nervous, and he will be feeling nervous because six weeks will finally come to an end.

But deep down you are also feeling happy that he is coming, and the same will be his situation. Let him come. He's just your old boyfriend: you know him every bit, he knows you every bit. All the fights are well known, all the problems are well known.

There is no need to feel nervous because there is not going to be anything new. It is just the old chap, so let him come and start life again in the same old way.

It is something to be understood: the girlfriend you get or the boyfriend you get, you deserve. You don't get any boyfriend who you don't deserve and you don't get any girlfriend who you don't deserve -- those kinds of relationships last for one day or two days. But your relationship has a history and it is going to last to the very end, so relax and take it easily!

You deserve him, he deserves you. And once you see the point that you deserve each other there is no question of any grudge, any complaining, any grumbling.

You are strong enough, because that crackpot has not been able to make even a dent in you. He has been doing all kinds of neurotic things.

But he does not know that Latifa is a psychotic, and neurotics and psychotics make good marriages. They fit perfectly.

One psychoanalyst was asked -- because those two words look so similar, and the difference is known only to the experts -- the psychoanalyst was asked, "What is the difference between neurosis and psychotics?"

"He said, "The neurotic thinks two plus two are five and, whatever you do, he never changes his mind. He's determined and committed to his viewpoint. The psychotic knows that two plus two are four but feels very nervous -- why are they four?"

Perfect marriages happen only in heaven, but once in a while on the earth too. Latifa and her boyfriend are a perfect combination. So let the poor fellow come, start hammering the old way.... You are accustomed and well trained, he is accustomed and well trained.

One feels worried about a new girlfriend; one never knows what she is going to do -- freak out in the middle of the night? One is nervous about the new boyfriend, because one cannot predict what kind of man he's going to prove to be.

You are certain. In this certainty you should relax and let him come. He will bring his own question. I have been throwing out his questions, but because I have answered yours, now I will have to answer his question about you.

But I don't see that there is any problem. You are both perfectly happy in your misery; all people are perfectly happy in their miserable relationships! That's why after a five weeks' separation you feel good. But a longer separation and you will start missing him.

I have given him an exact time so that you can enjoy freedom and he can enjoy freedom; and in the right time, when you start missing each other, he's back.

Just wait! And he's not a dangerous person; he cannot harm you. He's very good at heart -- just a little loose in his head. But to have a boyfriend who is a little loose in the head is better than to have a boyfriend who is a little tight in the head. I know it is no ordinary relationship: you both are extraordinary.

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