恋爱中的年龄差距并没有你想象中那么糟糕 | Age gaps in relationships are not as bad as you think

On screen and in real life, they are getting smaller anyway

无论在荧幕上还是现实生活中，他们都在变得越来越小

这并非一见钟情。当真人秀明星尼克·维亚尔遇见妻子娜塔莉·乔伊时，他坚称两人绝无可能交往。这种抗拒部分源于两人相差 18 岁——几乎隔了一代人的距离。维亚尔先生于 2024 年迎娶乔伊女士。如今他正开启另一种"求爱"之旅：试图吸引新观众。由维奥尔夫妇主持的约会真人秀《魅力之龄》将于今年晚些时候登陆奈飞平台。该节目聚焦 22 至 59 岁的单身人士，验证"年龄只是数字"的命题。维奥尔表示节目将摒弃年龄相关的文化偏见，专注于情感契合度。这个浪漫理念印证了经验事实：年龄差距并非某些人想象中那般有害。

Birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes, and so do people. Researchers studying marriage data have found that couples tend to be similar in age. This is not entirely unexpected. People frequently pair up with others who share similar traits, including race, education and religion. In America one in eight married couples is the same age, to the nearest year; a third is no more than a year younger or older (see chart 1). Schooling reinforces this trend by sorting pupils into age-based cohorts, otherwise known as classes.

物以类聚，人亦如此。研究婚姻数据的学者发现，夫妻双方年龄往往相近。这并不令人意外。人们常与具有相似特征的对象结伴，包括种族、教育背景和宗教信仰。在美国，每八对已婚夫妇中就有一对年龄相差不超过一年；三分之一夫妇年龄差距不超过一岁（见图表1）。学校教育通过将学生按年龄分班（即分班制）强化了这一趋势。

And yet, though both men and women tend to choose partners close to their own age, the most common pairing—two-thirds of American marriages—is between an older man and a younger woman. This pattern can be found in almost every country across the world. A recent paper by researchers at the Pew Research Centre, a think-tank, puts the global average gap at 4.2 years. In North America husbands are 2.2 years older than their wives, on average; in Europe the average age gap is 2.7 years; in Asia-Pacific it is 4. The age difference is highest in sub-Saharan Africa: 8.6 years.

然而，尽管男女都倾向于选择年龄相近的伴侣，最常见的配对模式——占美国婚姻总数三分之二的组合——却是年长男性与年轻女性。这种模式几乎遍布全球各国。智库皮尤研究中心近期发表的论文指出，全球平均年龄差为 4.2 岁。北美地区丈夫平均比妻子年长 2.2 岁；欧洲平均年龄差为 2.7 岁；亚太地区为 4 岁。撒哈拉以南非洲地区的年龄差距最大，达 8.6 岁。

为何年龄差距如此普遍？主流解释源于进化论。研究指出，男性倾向选择生育力强的伴侣，女性则偏好能养育后代的配偶。由于女性年轻时生育力最强，而男性随年龄增长积累资源，理论上适度的年龄差距应能催生更多子女。数据证实了这一观点。维也纳大学研究人员 2007 年发表的论文表明，在瑞典，丈夫比妻子年长约五岁的夫妇生育子女数量比同龄夫妇多出 5%。美国数据也印证了这一现象（见图 2）。在贫困国家，年长且富裕的丈夫带来的益处可能更为显著。

Social norms play a part, too. Those attracted to a much older or younger partner may choose someone closer to their own age to avoid raising eyebrows. “Can you bring someone who’s 20 years younger to your parents?” asks Renata Topinkova, a social scientist at Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich. What is considered acceptable changes over time. In 1920 American husbands were about 4.5 years older than their wives, compared with 2.2 years today (see chart 3). Once-common “trophy wives”—young spouses of high-earning men—are now rare enough in America that they can no longer be spotted in the data (though they can still be spotted at country clubs like Mar-a-Lago).

社会规范同样发挥着作用。那些被年龄相差悬殊的伴侣吸引的人，可能会选择年龄更接近自己的人，以避免引人侧目。"你能带一个小你 20 岁的人见父母吗？"慕尼黑路德维希-马克西米利安大学的社会科学家雷娜塔·托平科娃问道。人们认为可接受的标准会随着时间而变化。1920 年美国丈夫平均比妻子年长 4.5 岁，而如今这一差距缩小至 2.2 岁（见图 3）。曾经常见的"奖杯妻子"——高收入男性的年轻配偶——如今在美国已罕见至无法在数据中体现（尽管在玛-拉戈等乡村俱乐部仍能见到她们的身影）。

Even the age gaps on screen are narrower today than in the past, when Clark Gable (38) starred opposite Vivien Leigh (26) in “Gone With the Wind” and Humphrey Bogart (43) alongside Ingrid Bergman (27) in “Casablanca”. Today romantic partners in films and on TV are typically around six years apart, down from nearly 20 in the 1940s-50s. When films do show dramatic age gaps, they are often subverting tradition, by instead showing an older woman with a younger man. This includes “Babygirl” (female boss with an intern), “The Idea of You” (40-year-old with a boy-band star) and “Marty Supreme” (ageing actress with a young table-tennis pro). These do not reflect common situations. But that is rarely Hollywood’s intent.

如今银幕上的年龄差距也比过去更小了——当年克拉克·盖博（38 岁）与薇薇安·李（26 岁）在《乱世佳人》中搭档，亨弗莱·鲍嘉（43 岁）与英格丽·褒曼（27 岁）在《卡萨布兰卡》中共演时，年龄差距都远大于此。如今影视作品中的情侣年龄差通常在六岁左右，而 1940 至 50 年代的平均年龄差接近二十岁。当电影刻意呈现显著年龄差距时，往往颠覆传统模式——由年长女性与年轻男性组成情侣。此类作品包括《小宝贝》（女老板与实习生）、《你的模样》（40 岁女性与偶像团体明星）及《玛蒂至上》（年长女演员与年轻乒乓球选手）。这些情节虽非现实常态，但这恰恰是好莱坞的创作初衷。

Are relationships between people of different ages less healthy? The conventional wisdom is that partners born decades apart may not share the same interests and values (not to mention pop-culture references). Power imbalances may emerge, too, particularly when the older partner earns more. Surveys show that people often disapprove of age gaps because they believe the younger partner may be looking for a parental figure or—worse?—a fortune. (“I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger,” Kanye West sang in a popular song, saying exactly that.) Couples with age differences of at least ten years report suffering more social disapproval. Ms Joy has said online critics have branded her a “child bride” and other “terrible, terrible things”.

年龄悬殊的伴侣关系是否更不健康？传统观念认为，相差数十岁的伴侣可能缺乏共同兴趣与价值观（更不用说流行文化认知差异）。权力失衡也可能显现，尤其当年长伴侣收入更高时。调查显示，人们常对年龄差距关系持否定态度，因他们认为年轻伴侣可能在寻找父母般的人物——或者更糟？——在觊觎对方财富。（坎耶·韦斯特在热门歌曲中唱道："我不是说她是拜金女"，实则正道出此意。）年龄差距达十年以上的伴侣坦言承受更多社会非议。乔伊女士透露，网络批评者曾称她为"童养媳"并用其他"可怕至极的词汇"攻击她。

However, the evidence suggests that such relationships are relatively happy and last just as long. A study published in 2002 by researchers at Maastricht University found that marriages with larger age gaps are associated with higher life satisfaction for both spouses. Researchers at Britain’s Office for National Statistics also found no strong link between age differences and divorce among couples in England and Wales. American evidence points the same way. Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that couples with larger age gaps last even longer than those with smaller ones. Using a sample of nearly 5,000 long-term, live-in relationships, The Economist estimates that a five-year difference in age is associated with staying together an extra six weeks.

然而，证据表明此类关系相对幸福且同样持久。马斯特里赫特大学研究人员 2002 年发表的研究发现，年龄差距较大的婚姻与双方更高的生活满意度相关。英国国家统计局的研究人员也发现，英格兰和威尔士夫妇的年龄差异与离婚率之间并无显著关联。美国证据同样指向这一结论。美国疾病控制与预防中心的数据显示，年龄差距较大的伴侣关系持续时间甚至长于年龄差距较小的伴侣。根据对近 5000 对长期同居伴侣的样本分析，《经济学人》估算年龄相差五岁可使伴侣关系延长六周。

Age gaps do bring some risks, however. The incidence of intimate-partner homicide rises sharply when the man is at least 16 years older than the woman (or the woman at least ten years older than the man). But such cases are rare. For most relationships other factors are more important: “Whether it’s a ten-year gap, or a two-year gap, your relationship is going to be driven by other things” than age difference, says Paul Eastwick, a professor at the University of California, Davis. Like, say, what show to watch on Netflix. Mr Viall and Ms Joy can certainly agree on that. ■

然而年龄差距确实存在某些风险。当男性比女性年长至少 16 岁（或女性比男性年长至少 10 岁）时，亲密伴侣凶杀案的发生率会急剧上升。但此类案例实属罕见。对多数伴侣关系而言，其他因素更为关键："无论是十年之差还是两岁之别，维系你们关系的核心因素终究在于其他方面"，加州大学戴维斯分校教授保罗·伊斯威克指出。比如——该在网飞上选哪部剧看。维尔先生和乔伊女士对此肯定深有同感。■