疯狂相信就能实现?外网爆火的暴富/恋爱显化或是敛财骗局,过度复刻真会精神内耗!

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Hi, everyone and welcome back to Happy Hour. 欢迎回来酒馆. Hi, 安澜.

 Hi, Lulu, hi, everyone!

Now we've looked at the good delulu.

Yeah.

 Let's look at the bad delulu.

When fantasy becomes your only escape.

 Yeah. So, the question is, where's the line between helpful fantasy and harmful self- deception?

Well, I guess, it comes down to a few warning signs. Number one is the fantasy actually replaces action.

 Yeah.

So you're just sitting there daydreaming. You're not actually doing anything. You remember in the very beginning, you said you joined the gym.

 Yeah.

If you just on the treadmill, on the machines and fantasizing about having a great bod, you probably delulu, but you're doing something.

 Well, yeah.

But if you're just sitting at home and thinking, yeah, I mean, I thought about it, so I'm going to be beefed up.  

 Yeah

That means you are not doing the work to get it.

 Yeah.

You're so busy mentally picturing it that you actually stopped trying making real efforts.  

 Well, yeah. And another sign, the fantasy causes distress. So let's look at this from like romantically, for example.

Yeah.

 You're obsessed with someone who is clearly not interested. You're staying up at night, thinking about scenarios when they finally notice you, you think about a life you're gonna live together, et cetera, et cetera. That's not romantic. That's self torture.

Yet a lot of people do that.

 A lot of people do that, yeah.

With their crush. I mean I did that when I was a teenager.

 Well, yeah. I think everyone has done that at some time or another.

Yeah. And another warning sign really is you can't turn it off, healthy delulu, you're aware of it. It's something you choose, temporarily for a specific purpose. Bad delulu is something that happens to you.

 Yeah

All the time, involuntarily.

 And the final warning sign is you've lost the ability to hear no. You're convinced that the job is yours despite the rejection letter. You're sure your ex will come back to you despite them blocking you, reality has spoken and you're still refusing to listen.

That happens a lot in like romantic relationships.

 Well, yeah.

I think this is why I stopped giving my friends advice or suggestions on their romantic lives because some of them can get delulu.

 Well, exactly.

That delulu, he doesn't love you anymore or he never loved you.  No, no, he still, look, he checked my post.

 Yeah, well, exactly. That type of thing.

Yeah. This is where delulu just becomes something more serious, well, in a negative way. When a fantasy is no longer a tool to get you to feel better, it's a prison that traps you.

 Precisely.

And you know that on the internet there is a Chinese saying called “过度脑补”.

 Sort of  “over-braining”?

Well, kind of like that, you think way too much.

 Okay.

Over fantasize.

 Yeah.

And 脑补 is you fantasize about all of these things. So when your imagination runs so wild, it's no longer serving you.

 Yeah, so the question really to ask is, can you set it down? Can you say okay, fantasy time is over and go back to reality.

Well, I guess we come to the solulu.

 Okay.

I love both of them because it has “lulu”.

 I  know. I  know. I know.

That is such a narcissist.

 Yeah, okay. So if we've established that a little delulu can be good. How do we do it without sliding into the bad kind?

So let's build the responsible delulu protocol.

 Yeah. So rule number one, set a fantasy time limit.

Yeah, I think it's just not letting, try not to let the fantasy bleed into every waking moment.  Give yourself permission to daydream, may be on the commute, in the shower. 安澜, you once told me that when you're in your shower, you're delulu and you think of yourself as an opera singer.

 Yeah, yeah.  Sometimes I do that.

And I'm so lucky to not hear that.

 I think a lot of people are very lucky not to hear that.

Yeah. So give yourself specific times when you can do that, but when it's time to work, make decisions, have important conversations, fantasy off, reality on.

 Yeah. Rule number two, fantasy must coexist with action. So you can imagine yourself in the corner office, but you also have to finish your current project. Fantasy is fuel, it’s not the destination.

Yeah. It's not an excuse to not do your work.

 Mhm.

And rule number three, establish a reality check, I guess someone you really trust, who can say, baby that's not happening without crushing your spirit. A friend, a mentor, a therapist, someone who loves your dreams but won't let you drown in them.

 Yeah, and not just for someone outside, but also for yourself.

 Rule number four, notice when fantasy starts to hurt, so if you're imagining your ideal future and it makes you feel worse about your present, if it's causing envy, despair, or paralysis, that you just don't want to do anything.  That's a sign to pull back.

I think that's a very smart thing.

 Yeah.

And also, very importantly for the sake of your social life don't demand other people join your delulu.

 Yeah. You can believe that you're going to be a famous author, but you can't get mad at your friend for not reading your book for the 10th time.

Yeah.

 Your fantasy is yours to manage, no one else is required to act like it's real.

So the responsible delulu person is a kind of a dreamer but with boundaries.

 Yeah.

So, here is where we wrap up. So delulu in its healthy form is not about losing touch with reality, but it's about choosing to engage with possibility, not just probability.

 Yeah. It’s the difference between I'm delusional and I'm being delulu on purpose. One is a symptom; the other is a strategy.

Exactly. The world will always tell you to be realistic, to manage your expectations, to not get your hopes up. Sometimes that's good advice. But other times, a little delulu is the only thing that gets you out of bed.  

 Yeah. My favorite quote on this is “I know I probably won't get that job. But for the next 48 hours, I'm going to enjoy believing I will”. That's not self deception. That’s, I’m trying to make myself feel better.

Let's call it modern life coping strategy.

 Precisely.

So we're gonna wrap up here and we really want to hear from you, have you ever been delulu or are you delulu right now? Has it been a positive or a negative influence on you?

So,  leave us a comment in a comment section and also let us know what kind of topics you want us to talk about.

 Yeah, we’ll be delude and believe that everyone will write in.

Exactly, we will be delulu.

 So until next time.

We'll see you next time.

 Bye.

Bye.

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文稿校对：梅薇薇 & Jenny

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