Can You Be Addicted to Love?
恋爱会上瘾吗？
Being "addicted to love" has inspired songs but the reality is different.
“沉溺于爱”曾激发了许多歌曲，但现实情况却有所不同。
Posted February 4, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
发表于 2026 年 2 月 4 日 | 由 Gary Drevitch 审核
"Love addiction" is not an endorsed disorder in any mental health manualsRelational struggles are best understood through the lens of attachment theory, not addictionThe best way to overcome relational struggles is to understand one's deep-seated needs that require soothing.
“爱情成瘾”并不是任何精神健康手册中认可的疾病。人际关系的困扰最好通过依恋理论的视角来理解，而非成瘾。克服人际关系困扰的最佳方法是理解自己需要慰藉的深层需求。
The theme “addicted to love” has inspired many songs and stories. Indeed, it is catchy and intriguing. Also, you might have seen stories online and in newspapers about people being "love addicts”. People who identify with “love addiction” often say that they can’t stop dating people or engaging in romantic relationships even if they already have romantic and sexual partners, and some people say that they can’t stop cheating. (Women who keep cheating tend to call themselves “love addicts” while men tend to call themselves “sex addicts".)
“爱上瘾”的主题激发了许多歌曲和故事。确实，这个题材既吸引人又有趣。此外，你可能在网上和报纸上看到过关于“爱情成瘾者”的故事。认同“爱情成瘾”的人常说，即使他们已经有了恋爱或性伴侣，他们仍然无法停止与他人约会或恋爱，有些人甚至说无法停止出轨。（经常出轨的女性通常称自己为“爱情成瘾者”，而男性则更倾向称自己为“性成瘾者”）。
The truth is that neither “love addiction” or “sex addiction” is scientifically endorsed as a disorder by any mental health manuals such as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) and the World Health Organisation's ICD-11, which means that people identifying as “love addicts” may be doing so because it is a term they came across doing online searches, or because of what they've been told by an uninformed mental health professional. In reality, though, they might be struggling with something else.
事实是，无论是“爱情成瘾”还是“性成瘾”，在《精神障碍诊断与统计手册（DSM-5）》或世界卫生组织的 ICD-11 等精神健康手册中都没有被科学认可为疾病，这意味着那些自认为“爱情成瘾”的人可能是因为他们在网上搜索时看到这个术语，或因为某些不够专业的心理健康从业者告诉他们如此。然而，实际上，他们可能在面对其他问题。
The label “love addiction” is problematic because if people identify as such, they might be encouraged to attend 12-step programmes or seek addiction-oriented therapy, although none of which have evidence to support their effectiveness, and they could in fact be more harmful than helpful.
将“爱情成瘾”贴上标签是有问题的，因为如果人们认同这一说法，他们可能会被鼓励去参加 12 步项目或寻求以成瘾为导向的治疗，而这些方法都没有证据支持其有效性，实际上可能比没有帮助更有害。
However, attachment theories, first proposed by John Bowlby in the 1960’s and 70’s, may provide some clarity as to the actual struggles experienced by people who identify with “love addiction”.
然而，约翰·鲍比（John Bowlby）在20世纪60至70年代首次提出的依恋理论，可能为那些认同“爱情成瘾”的人的真实困扰提供一些线索。
Rather than focusing on the behavioural aspects of frequently engaging in romantic and sexual relationships—and attempting to stop those behaviours as though they were an addiction and a disease—it may be more helpful to examine the functions of those behaviours in a person’s relational world. In other words, it is better to be curious about how those behaviours could be meeting an important relational unmet need.
与其关注频繁进行恋爱和性关系的行为——并试图像对待疾病和成瘾那样阻止这些行为——不如去探究这些行为在个人人际关系中的功能。换句话说，更有益的是好奇这些行为如何满足个人重要的人际关系未被满足的需求。
The unmet needs may not be the ones of the adult in the here-and-now. For example, some people who secretly engage in romantic and sexual relationships may be happy with their current partner from their adult perspectives, but there is another need, often a deep-seated one from childhood, that requires soothing in the forms of reaching out for other people romantically and sexually.
这些未满足的需求可能不是成人当下所需要的。例如，一些暗中进行恋爱和性行为的人，从成年人视角来看，可能对现有伴侣感到满意，但他们有另一种需求，通常是源自童年的深层需求，需要通过与他人的恋爱和性接触来得到慰藉。
Attachment theories are complex, but, to summarise them, there are several attachment styles people can have, often stemming from childhood:
依恋理论很复杂，但概括来说，人们可能拥有几种依恋类型，这些类型往往源于童年：
Secure: A secure person feels comfortable with closeness and independence, trusting others, and handling conflict or emotional needs with openness and balance. In other words, borrowing from the language of Transactional Analysis, it sounds like: “I’m OK, you’re OK”.
安全型：安全型人在亲密和独立中感到舒适，信任他人，并以开放和平衡的方式处理冲突或情感需求。换句话说，借用交易分析的语言，听起来像是：“我没事，你也没事”。
Avoidant: An avoidant person values independence over closeness, feeling uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and often distancing themselves when relationships become too emotionally demanding. They often describe their feelings towards emotional intimacy as “suffocating”. It sounds like “I’m OK, you’re not OK”.
回避型：回避型人更看重独立而非亲密，对情感亲密感到不适，当关系变得过于情感压力时，常常保持距离。他们常形容对情感亲密的感受是“窒息”的。听起来像是在说“我没事，你没事”。
Anxious: An anxious person has a strong desire for closeness combined with fear of abandonment, leading to heightened sensitivity to rejection and a need for frequent reassurance. It sounds like “I’m not OK, you’re OK”.
焦虑型：焦虑型人强烈渴望亲近，同时害怕被抛弃，导致对拒绝的敏感度增强，并需要频繁的安慰。听起来像是在说“我不行，你没事”。
Disorganised: A disorganised person feels a confusing mix of wanting closeness and fearing it, often leading to unpredictable or contradictory behaviours in relationships. It sounds like “I’m not OK, you’re not OK”.
混乱型：一个缺乏条理的人会感受到一种既渴望亲近又害怕亲近的复杂情绪，常常导致关系中不可预测或矛盾的行为。听起来像是在说“我不好，你也不好”。
Those attachment styles emerge from how caregivers responded to the emotional needs of the child; through those early experiences, the child learns patterns of relating based on their perception of their self-worth, how secure they feel with others, and how they stand in the world. For example, a child who had one highly critical parent and one emotionally absent parent may learn that they are not worthy of warmth and care (low self-worth), and that relationships with others are often painful, making it difficult to believe that it is OK to just be oneself. They may also believe that the world is a harsh and lonely place. As a result, the child may develop an anxious or an avoidant attachment style.
这些依恋风格源自照顾者对儿童情感需求的反应;通过这些早期经历，孩子会根据自我价值感、与他人相处的安全感以及在世界中的定位，学习建立关系的模式。例如，一个孩子如果有一个高度批评的父母，另一个情感缺席的父母，可能会发现自己不配得到温暖和关爱（自我价值感低），与他人的关系往往是痛苦的，这使他难以相信做自己是可以接受的。他们也可能认为世界是个严酷而孤独的地方。因此，孩子可能会发展出焦虑型或回避型依恋风格。
Looking at how people relate to their romantic and sexual relationships through the lens of attachment theories, rather than addiction narratives, can be enlightening because the thread of relating to others in one person’s life story will become clearer, and the function of the repetitive engagements in romantic and sexual relationships will become obvious within that life story. Once the story is understood, with good emotional awareness, people can begin to see how they have been soothing their relational pain of childhood, and can then change their patterns. The good news is that we can change our attachment style: Examining and healing relational wounds is effective in resolving issues of frequent engagement in romantic and sexual relationships.
通过依恋理论而非成瘾叙事的视角，观察人们如何与自己的浪漫和性关系建立关系，会很有启发性，因为在一个人的人生故事中与他人建立联系的线索会变得更加清晰，反复参与浪漫和性关系的功能也会在该人生故事中变得明显。一旦理解了故事，并且有良好的情感觉察，人们就能开始看到自己一直在抚慰童年关系上的痛苦，进而改变自己的模式。好消息是，我们可以改变依恋风格：审视和疗愈关系创伤对于解决频繁参与浪漫和性关系的问题非常有效。
Becoming secure, attaining better self-worth, and feeling more comfortable in relationships (not just romantic and sexual relationships) looks different for everyone. It is important not to equate feeling secure with being comfortable with monogamy. Indeed, some secure people enjoy monogamy, but others can feel secure in open relationships, polyamory, or as a single person with multiple lovers. Being secure is feeling that you’re OK with yourself and others are OK too.
变得安全感、获得更好的自我价值感，以及在关系中（不仅仅是浪漫和性关系）中感到更自在，对每个人来说都是不同的。重要的是，不要把安全感等同于对一夫一妻制感到舒适。确实，有些安全型人喜欢一夫一妻制，但也有人在开放式关系、多元恋或单身多重情人中感到安全。安全感是觉得自己和别人都没问题。
It is not helpful when you berate yourself as a “love addict” or “broken”. Instead, you can ask yourself, "How do I stand on my own two feet, and how do I connect with others?”. This relational exploration is profound because it can lead you to the centre of your heart.
当你自责为“爱情成瘾者”或“破碎”时，这无济于事。相反，你可以问自己：“我如何站稳脚跟，如何与他人建立联系？”这种关系探索意义深远，因为它能引领你直达内心的中心。
